Don't Make Me Come Down There...

Remember when you were a kid and you ran in the hallway at school and when the teacher saw you they made you walk back to where you started and do it all again walking? For me, it was an annoying lesson on how to not get caught running in the school hallway. Someone was forcing you to slow down when you were in a hurry and even though it was rooted in a rule to keep you from getting hurt... it was annoying. I experienced what I would consider the adult version of that this week.

I was scheduled to get off work at 3pm on Tuesday and I had just about every minute of that time off scheduled with chores that needed to get done. Of course, there were also a lot of things that I simply wanted to get done. Either way... I had things to do. However, all my plans went up in smoke as I was putting my stuff away at work. My aunt and cousin were sending my text messages and leaving me voicemails freaking out about how they needed me to go pick up my grandpa at the hospital. Grandma had passed out and was taken to the hospital and since they didn't yet know what the problem was or if she could go home... someone needed to take grandpa back to the house and sit with him since he can't really be left home by himself for too long. It needed to be done, and it needed to be done by me.

Honestly, I was irritated. I had all these plans and I had convinced myself that it was important. Then all the sudden all these people need me to drop everything just to go sit.

I went to the hospital and picked up my grandpa took him back his house. The plan was we were going to sit there and read until someone called to tell us whether grandma would be coming home or not. Yet again, the plan didn't go off the way I would have ideally planned. Grandpa wasn't reading... he was talking to me which meant I wasn't reading, I was listening. Sitting still and listening isn't really my thing so I was kind of dreading the idea of spending the afternoon/evening doing it. Yet, as I sat there I kind of realized that it was what was really important at the time. I was helping out my family and spending time listening to grandpa tell his story of being in the army, going to war, and how grandma had waited for him to get out of the army. It was a sweet story and I was really grateful to have been there for him to share it with me. In the end it all worked out. Grandma was released from the hospital and we picked up sandwiches and took them back to the house and had dinner together just the three of us.

Although it kind of sucked that it took grandma passing out to force me to stop and spend actual time with my grandparents, I'm truly grateful that it worked out. The day before I had read an article in a Christian magazine that had been delivered to the bank I work for. It was an articles written by a woman who realized that God wanted her to slow down. Take the time to focus on one thing at a time instead of being partially in the moment while thinking about else should might be missing elsewhere. I recognized myself in the article and promised to take it to heart, but I am also the kind of person who needs to be given a gentle nudge. I consider that day to be God telling me that the lesson in the article was relevant to me and I wasn't exempt from the need to slow down find perspective on what's really important. That day I didn't just learn from grandpa's stories but I learned to be open to going with the flow. What I have planned, often isn't nearly as important as I think. I got a lesson in patience and priority that afternoon and I thank God for that.

Get Thee Behind Me Satan...

Father, Son, and Holy Coincidence...

So, I often wonder if we put too much stock in the role of Satan in our lives. Although I guess the same could be said of God. How often do we take the events of our lives and attribute them to super natural type forces? Is every minor event of our lives the preplanned work of God or Satan... or even karma? It seems a little silly to say that hitting every red light on your way to an important interview (when you are already running late) is the work of Satan or bad karma. Sometimes... things just suck and that's life. Where is the line between coincidence and external influence?

I've been thinking about this for the past few days a lot because I'm sick. Not just mild cold sick... but the running a fever, aches, chills, sore throat, leaving work early kind of sick. It sucks on a couple of different levels. For one thing, I'm new at my job and I don't want to come across as a problem this early in the game. Yet, perhaps the thing about all of this that upsets me the most is that being sick is incredibly discouraging and frustrating. In the past week or two I've been ready to take on the world... I'm teaching myself how to play the guitar, reconnecting with my faith and getting back into regular worship, and just overall taking charge of my feelings and that kinda junk. So, I was basically walking on sunshine and praising God throughout the day.

Then I got sick.

It's so much harder to praise God for the goodness in this life when you feel like an old pile of dog turd. Which is what got me thinking about the overall theme of this post... what role does Satan have in our lives? Do we attribute too much in our lives to work of Satan or God? It doesn't seem unrealistic to say that Satan would have done something to knock me down a few pegs or keep me from praising God. In fact, it seems like something that is right up his alley. Does that mean I should blame Satan for getting sick? I guess I could trace it right back to the fall of man way back in Eden... pain was introduced to mankind and that was clearly on Satan. What a punk...

I don't know that I have an answer to any of this stuff. I guess I could attribute everything that happens in my life (be it good or bad) to coincidence but I feel like that would be cheating God. To take the blessings of my life and simply attribute them to coincidence would be bogus of me. On the same token, to dismiss all bad things (even the small stuff) as coincidence seems like it would lead me to really underestimate the power of Satan.

My solution for the current problem is this. In all things I will rejoice in God. In the good, be they big or small, I will thank God. In the bad, I will do my best to stay ever mindful of the presence of God... to thank Him for the day and maybe ask Him for help in remembering to be grateful of the blessings He has given me.

Also, I don't think it hurts to ask Him if He can help with the sore throat...

On Why Dogs Have It Right...

I realized the other day while driving around and listening to music with some friends that life is truly about being able to appreciate the little things in life. I was sitting in the backseat largely unable to hear the conversation taking place in the front due to the sound of the wind rushing past the open windows and the music coming from the speakers. Usually, this would have bothered me due to the fact that I am the type of person who needs to be in the action. It drives me absolutely batty to not know what is going on around me but this time I couldn't have cared less. Don't get me wrong... I love my friends and I'm usually interested in what they have to say but this time I felt like there was something more important for me to focus on. I was actually spending time being quiet and enjoying the moment that God had given me.

The biggest thing about this might be that I was actually sitting quietly, which for anyone who knows me.... that is quite the feat. I sat there with my head right at the opening of the window letting the wind gently blast me in the face and I listened to the Christian music that my friends were listening to. At one point I realized that my friends were laughing at me... apparently they thought I looked like a dog with my head out the window. It was at this point I realized that dogs have it right.

Dogs want to love and be loved. They are truly apart of the moment and they wear their hearts on their sleeve (if you will). As a human, I spend a lot of my time thinking about the future or lamenting the pains of the past. I worry about how I can make enough money to pay off my debts without ruining my credit or I stress about what I want to do with my life and how I can make that happen. I am rarely able to let go of tomorrow and move on from yesterday and simply enjoy today for what today is. For years I have wanted to find significance in my life but I realized the other day that I'm to busy to take the time to find it.

This blog is my attempt to keep myself seeking a higher level of significance in my life. I hope that it will help me keep myself focused on things that really matter in life. I pray that it will keep me ever aware of my discontent with the life I live now and keep me pushing for more. Through the grace of God and the love and encouragement of friends, I know that I can reach a much deeper level of joy and peace in my life... and this will be the venue where I share my journey.

-b